I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
