awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
