You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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