i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
