I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
