cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
