Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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