Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize