Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
