You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
