We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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