note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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