So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
