Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
