I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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