If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
