I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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