OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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