well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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