he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
