Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
