I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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