I just pynch a tree in the face
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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