things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
