the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
