Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
