forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
