you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize