Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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