we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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