The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
