It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
