at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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