Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
