Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
