The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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