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Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it's like heaven, but drunker
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
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