just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...