i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.