Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?

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  (603): Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry? http://tfl.nu/3wve
  Replies (40) Good night (754) Bad night (4373)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.

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  (901): She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A. http://tfl.nu/01sf
  Replies (43) Good night (1804) Bad night (5641)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...

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  (612): new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself... http://tfl.nu/71kr
  Replies (35) Good night (1597) Bad night (6562)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)

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  (660): My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :) http://tfl.nu/iyqj
  Replies (21) Good night (5960) Bad night (1553)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

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  (303): It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic. http://tfl.nu/yvsq
  Replies (28) Good night (2297) Bad night (4641)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  the room spins SO much faster in panama

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  (513): the room spins SO much faster in panama http://tfl.nu/zlx7
  Replies (5) Good night (2452) Bad night (866)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.

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  (908): You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/yznu
  Replies (23) Good night (3718) Bad night (1142)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.

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  (785): Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage. http://tfl.nu/6qi6
  Replies (17) Good night (1203) Bad night (1767)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.

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  (509): I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother. http://tfl.nu/1k08
  Replies (4) Good night (1503) Bad night (454)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.

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  (614): Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes. http://tfl.nu/ghhe
  Replies (13) Good night (482) Bad night (2180)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man

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  (785): The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop. (1-785): i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man http://tfl.nu/s8dm
  Replies (2) Good night (1305) Bad night (381)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"

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  (682): Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this" http://tfl.nu/tpaw
  Replies (1) Good night (1330) Bad night (410)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.

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  (519): I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time. http://tfl.nu/5ti8
  Replies (7) Good night (850) Bad night (696)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"

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  (248): Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum" http://tfl.nu/5h4q
  Replies (5) Good night (528) Bad night (251)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.

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  (469): I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins. http://tfl.nu/edtw
  Replies (1) Good night (566) Bad night (343)

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