Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
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Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay