I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
