I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
