The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
