he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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