Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
