It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
