Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
