Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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