my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
