I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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