you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
