You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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