The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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