i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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