dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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