I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
