so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
