somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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