Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
