i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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