My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
