He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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