So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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