I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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