how can u be prego again
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
