oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
