I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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