Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
