I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
