SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
