I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
