cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were trust falling into bushes