singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk