$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did we just second hand smoke crack?