her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.