I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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