Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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