you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
