I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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