apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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